Finding my purpose
I have always been a little, different, the loaner, the dreamer, the Wanderer.
Since I was young, I had always known that I would struggle with fitting in (what ever that means) and that I would have to be strong willed if I was to lead a life that made me happy.
I never tried all that hard to fit in actually, I had a small group of friends that I still have to this day, they were unique just like I, they had paths to follow they didn't understand, just like I, and together we travelled into adulthood slowly drifting apart, then coming back together, then drifting, then finding one another again, it was such a pull of gravity our friendship circle, it was strange and beautiful, we traveled life with each others hearts in our hands until we met again, and again we always did.
There is something to be cherished about friendships like this, some people go their entire life looking for friendships just like this, but I have always had it.
My friends understood me, no one else did, not even me, but they knew me better than I knew myself at times.
Friendship is so important, especially when finding your purpose, I had a lot of struggles to overcome in order to blossom, and if it wasn't for my friends, I would never have bloomed.
I truly believe that if you waste your life trying to find yourself you will walk right past yourself a hundred times, only to realise later that you have been where you have meant to have been all along, just standing there, watching yourself search frantically against the clock of life when all along, all you had to do was stop, look around slowly and accept that your already here!.
That's how this business was for me, I knew all along I was meant for a different path, sure I have worked the bustle of 9-5 before for someone else and I always felt undervalued.
I had more to give than my weekdays to a work roster, I was a hidden entrepreneur and I didn't even know it.
I always felt I had to ”have a job”, a title and position to be accepted into society, like if I ventured off to where my heart was pulling me I would somehow loose the respect of society and be seen as a hobbyist, or a tinker.
My husband even doubted me, he wasn't exactly encouraging when I was cooking up potions of breast milk with toxic solvents as an experiment in our kitchen, offen resulting in toxic fumes and us having to evacuate for our own safety, he put up with a lot.
There were many times that I never even knew what i was working towards, I knew we had lost a child and this to me at the time was a great distraction from the pain of that, I was also in the depth of a new pregnancy, one that made me feel all the guilts, feeling like I may be seen as replacing our son, or trying to make our loss up to our oldest daughter, you know, all the guilts.
Little did i know i was blooming, I was healing through this adventure and becoming more and more connected to our loss and new form i had become as a Mother, this was what my life was leading me to all along, an adventure of connection to others grief and the ability to help others celebrate their life journeys and uniqueness.
Nothing ever comes easy though, of course there were the nay sayers, the ones that thought that I was some sort of crack pot, “you do WHAT?, with human milk?”.
I gave up explaining it all after 12 months in.
Not only was i now seen as one out of the box by many, but I also found myself with a new challenge, the challenge of the business wold, and not only that, but the business world of Woman, oh man, It is a whole different level of trying to fit in let me tell you!.
When you have an niche market of woman in the same field, things can become challenging to say the least, I quickly had to learn that the only people I could count on was my Husband, Myself, and my tiny circle of gypsy wandering friends, lucky for me, the friends had ceased from wandering off into life, and they have been a continual support for me in this journey and i am so very thankful for them.
Every struggle I have encountered, every doubt I have ever had, every attempt from others in the industry to squash me, I have risen above.
I don’t think that this has all just been luck, I feel that once you find yourself and your passion, your purpose in life, then it is so engrained in you as a being that no amount of pressure will break you, it cant, it is concreted inside your soul.
I want to thank everyone that has travelled this journey with me, to my Husband, Thank you for leaving me be, even when we were at risk of toxic gassing.
To Elinor, my one true soul, thank you for finding me time and time again and put me back together.
To Chris and Amanda, Thank you for being my safe place, the one true place I feel home and loved.
And to my my customers, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming into my life and trusting in me to do what I do with my passion, i appreciate you all.
Until the next blog, Peace and Love ~ Cin.