Business Mum VS Covid in the raw - and I literally do mean in the raw, half the time I had no pants on....
Now, if you know me, you know I am a straight shooter, sometimes this offends, sometimes shocks, and sometimes entertains, either way, here is the raw truth of it.
As if Being in business wasn't hard enough right?, throw in a couple of Kids and a Husband that thinks you're superwoman and a shit load of Covid and world pandemic and you may just get your self a Business owner who is, well, a little bit more bat shit crazy than normal and feeling a tad overwhelmed.
When the first homeschooling demand hit I was a little excited to be honest, I was looking forward to being supermum and spending time with the girls one on one as I don't get to do that very often, I thought it would last a week, at best, and "OH NO" I MAY be forced to have a week off work, oh the shock and horror!, what a pity, what a shame....right?
Then we got to week two, now let me paint this picture for you, by week one the house was already looking like we were squatting not living, my children no longer could find clean undies, the cat was sick of being traumatised and toasted sandwiches were the new go to for tea.
My Husband ( who's name is Malcolm, I think, its been that long since Ive seen him I forget ) was heading off into the world everyday on his normal work day, in his van, on the road, just him and the radio and the occasional phone call from me loosing my shit because I CANT DO THIS ALONE ANYMORE!!, and returning home at a night to walk into the fuckery that had unfolded during the day, one night he came home and asked me if I had been drinking in the studio all day, to which I replied "NO!, I'm just fucking tired!" but was secretly thinking in the back of my head " maybe tomorrow I could tell the kids i'm working and get shit faced in the studio and watch Netflix's all day.
By the time the kids retuned to school I was a complete mess, I was behind on orders, emails ( some I still haven't replied to from back then ) inboxes were a mess to the point where I just deleted the ones that were enquiring for new orders and only replied to the ones that were currently in progress.
I had angry clients sending me messages and laughed at the ones that started with " I know we're in a pandemic but you still have a business to run.....", oh the visions I had of putting my fist through that computer screen at times.
So life was getting semi back to normal by about week 4.
The shit storm was just ramping up, like a sneaky little shit of a kid planning their next evil attack life was about to throw me curve ball after curve ball.
My Mum and my kids had a run of sickness, hospital trips become the norm and constant covid tests being shoved up noses followed by forced quarantining as a result, the orders I were just catching up on again were again delayed, the emails again were piling up, the house vomited all over itself and I was ordering wine online.
But soon, the goddesses again said " the kids can return to school and you can go back to work"....THANK YOU GODDESSES!!!
But wait! the goddesses said, "there is another stage 4 lockdown looming"...OFFS!!
Ok, so the first time, kinda exciting and made for a fun story for our grandchildren, second time of illness and self quarantine was getting a bit old and frustrating, BUT A THIRD!!....you can ram that right up your arse sideways Mrs "I'm a fucking Goddess and have your back".
I woke one morning to news on my FB feed that my Uncle had fallen over in his back yard and was in hospital and not doing well, after a few tests they found he had very extensive cancer and they gave him 4 months to live, he passed away not even a week after the news.
I was gutted and emotionally and physiologically couldn't cope with the news among the rest of the shit storm the whole world was facing at the time.
I took some time to grieve and then I put my big girl undies on and I kept going.
So we roll into the second run of homeschooling and by this time I was done!, I told the teachers that I won't be doing it and the kids will be sitting on the couch all day with an iPad and ill be at work.
They were a Little horrified at this but I am pretty sure they knew I was close to the edge by this stage.
So off to work I went while I did what I always said id never do, I totally ignored my children and told them if there was no blood or choking, then I didn't need to know about it.
I had work to do.
I called Dad for a chat, his always a good talker when his had a few beers and I missed him, he lives in Perth and I never get to see him and wonder if I ever will again due to covid, he never answered.
The kids and I sent him a video and told him we loved him and we would chat soon, the next day I got a txt message " Hi love, I had a huge heart attack when you were ringing yesterday, Im going in for a bypass"
By this stage I wasn't even sad anymore, I wasn't even angry at the world, I was just numb, Everyone I knew was either getting sick, dying or I had not seen them forever and my business was on the back burner with hundreds of messages and emails from angry Mums and I was sitting behind the computer screen in tears answering the messages I could with a level of anxiety I have never experienced before in my life.
I abandoned my social media accounts and didn't update the feeds for well over a month hoping that the less engagement I had the less orders and less demand I would have therefor the less stress, but this didn't happen, the demand, the orders and the " please explain" emails continued, but I got it, I needed to get back on top of things, and I knew that the only way to do this was to put in the hours, so I worked my arse off, 12 -16 hour days, tired, run down and patience as short as a 2 year old, I had to become Boss bitch and take on situations in way I normally wouldn't, I refunded those that I felt were too demanding and not understanding, I said no to orders I didn't feel would pay me enough, I was blunt with the ones that I felt was wasting my time and i'm still catching up as we speak, but I am feeling alot better now I know my Dad is safe, my kids are now back at school and every time I see a bucket of post head off on the post truck I fist pump the air while saying to myself " good bye fuckers...I hope your owner loves you, don't come back now you hear?.....at least not this year ...."
Dad ended up having to have open heart surgery, his doing well, but the scare was real, among everything that had happened prior this was the most devastating blow for me and I don't know where id be today if he had have died, It puts life in perspective.
So for all the business owners out there with little ones at your feet, I take my hat off to you, your not alone, and while your probably like me and hate to have self pity, sometimes its ok to sit back and say to yourself " you know what?, I am not super woman, and that's ok"
I really do appreciate everyone that has supported my small business during these horrible times, and I thank you all for your patience, this blog could have been a hundred times longer now I think about it as so much more happened in between the big things, but ain't nobody go time for dat !!
Love you all - even though it hasn't felt like it to you lately, again, thank you. x