Recently I shared a link on my Business page of a Woman's viral Tiktok pleading with the Victorian Government begging them to reinstate IVF appointments to those on their IVF journey.
It was a heart wrenching watch for anyone with a maternal bone in their body, apart from some.
Some of the comments in the thread were as such, I quote and I shit you not,
"I don't believe in IVF, there are plenty of Children that need adopting and need a good home"
"I get it, but at the same time, there are so many kids that need adopting so why not try that?" ( clearly she didn't get it )
With others lashing out at the comments and standing up for woman's reproductive rights with come backs such as "You don't understand because you are ignorant to the conversation" and " shut up Karen".
I sat and watched the comments unfold and was entertained and horrified at the same time, the whole point of the post completely missed entirely as the thread steered in to the direction of IVF being against Christianity and how IVF struggling couples were selfish.
Well, my Husband and I have been there, 14 times to be exact, 14 fresh rounds of IVF, some antagonist cycles and some down regs, we also tried IUI at the start and that didn't work, we gave up at one point and looked into fostering, we went through the whole process and had the interviews and were passed and keen but it just was not where my heart was, I have friends who have foster Children and I have seen the heart ache when the Child is taken from them to be placed back with the family, I couldn't do that to my then 3 year old daughter, and i didn't think i could cope with a loss like that either, so we decided against it.
Adopting was an option yes, if i wanted to settle for a 10 year wait for a child, taking me to the age of 40plus to complete my family, again, not something i wanted to do at 40.
Despite the other options we had, it didn't cure the burning maternal urge to have a maternal Child, experience pregnancy once again, savour the memories of the journey, watch my belly grow, birth, nurse, and stare into my biological child's soul, it was a yearning that was too deeply invested in my soul to give up on.
I had a friend tell me to be happy with the IVF Child i had already, mind you this friend has 6 Children of her own, naturally conceived, I even had a Christian friend tell me that what i was doing was wrong and myself and Children would go to hell, that was nice of her, with support like that who needs true people rooting for you hey!.
Every single failed cycle we jumped right back in without a months break, I was a walking talking hormone machine, we were desperate and running out of biological minutes to complete our family, and we and the IVF team knew it.
As Woman age their fertility window gets smaller and smaller, waiting a few months as one commenter suggested is not the answer for IVF couples, If anything, this could the quickest way to end a IVF journey, as each cycle, each ovulation, brings decline in fertility and success.
Its easy for others to judge couples going through IVF as selfish, especially when you yourself have never been in that situation, I have never heard one couple who have travelled the IVF journey put another couple down for trying.
What IVF woman go through is a train wreck of emotions, from my experience i can tell you it was not a walk in the park.
*pic from my personal IG account of my IVF journey with my second daughter*
I suffered terrible unbalanced hormones and mood swings, I was hospitalised twice with OHSS ( Ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome ) , it kicked off a serve margarine disorder i still live with to this day, I had my cervix shortened, my fallopian tubes removed and spent every night at 7pm with a progesterone suppository shoved up my hoohar, daily injections, nasal sprays, blood tests, ultrasounds, egg collections, transfers, and not to mention the PTSD i am sure i carry with me after almost loosing my life to OHSS.
We finally got our Family and now my heart has stopped screaming at me for one more I know we are now complete.
All of our pregnancies we IVF, after 14 fresh rounds, over 60 transfers, countless early losses, one late term stillborn and two beautiful living Children, we are done.
Now, tell me I am selfish, tell me it wasn't worth it, tell me I cheated another child out of a good life just to have a biological child, tell me I should have been happy with one while you visit me with your 6 Children all naturally conceived.
And ill tell you about my journey and ask you at the end of it if your strong enough to battle infertility and not give up.
Instead, when a woman tells you she is struggling with IVF or infertility, hold her hand, look her in the eye and say "Queen, You go this!".
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